Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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