I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
