theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize