but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
