i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
