im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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