I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
