Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
