just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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