Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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