I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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