My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
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not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
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Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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