About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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