At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
