Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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