I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
then he tried to convert me to islam
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I pour the whiskey from now on
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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