i wish starbucks made bloody marys
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
