In America we eat man semen.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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