Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
My penis needs a shock collar
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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