Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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