She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
