don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
