update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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