i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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