found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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