there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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