hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
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