i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
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she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
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At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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