Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
