Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
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I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
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I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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