You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
We left the knife in your bed.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
