Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
