from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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