Cold hands, warm shart.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
