I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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