I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
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