I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
