Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
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