yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
