Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
