she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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