Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
