I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
