Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
