Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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