Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
