Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
