If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
