Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
