Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
