i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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