Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
