hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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