is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
