There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
