She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
