Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
