Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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