I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
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