found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
