True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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