He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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