Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
