she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
