I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
