I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
