Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Randomize
