$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Randomize
