he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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