It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
