I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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