I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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