so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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