I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
