Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
