nut hugger
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
