So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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