hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Randomize
