I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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