Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
